NOT A PREQUEL
By Mike :)Heres a part of the saga I just remembered. This part takes place right before the "Let the Gouda Times Roll!" wars, but its NOT A PREQUEL cuz I SAID SO. *ahem* This part of the story is referred to as "The Return of Capt. Caf!" which ironically wasn't a return as in Capt. Caf became no more and then decided to pick up the superhero title again, but rather, Capt. Caf went on a "journey" and then made a physical return to the Side of Flaming Random Pork N' Beans with a Pinch of Salt Club. The events of this story take place when Capt. Caf was fairly new to the superhero business. As all well seasoned superheroes know, your costume only has to mask the part of your face around your eyes in order to be completely incognito to the rest of the world. Capt. Caf went on her first solo mission to a small wasteland planet where their were rumors of a secret black market snack business being run. Being new, Capt. Caf was going around with pretty much a ski mask on her face. As you should know, ski masks don't allow for the best peripheral vision, whereas the thin leather straps that lie skin flat provide for the full range of vision. This isn't a good thing in the superhero business, where you have to practically be able to see behind your head in order to know when to reach over your shoulder to grab that cheap crook who would dare attack you from behind, only to be punished by being grasped firmly, slung over your shoulder, and thrown into two or three of his approaching buddies. However, Capt. Caf, being new, couldn't see that one fateful crook coming, an oversight that caused her to be captured! The crook that captured her was none other than SWISSOLF CHEESLER! (PERSONAL VENDETTA'D *dum dum dummmm* He was later promoted to Evil Genius, but we know how that worked out >.<) At this point in the series, Magnus Wafer had been nothing more than a successful merchant... or so he seemed, however, it was during Capt. Caf's captivity that his true intentions were revealed. When Magnus heard from his henchmen that they had captured none other than the prodigy Capt. Caf, he was encouraged to reveal his master plan in an attempt to win Capt. Caf over to the bad side and rule the universe! The way he figured it, regardless of whether or not Capt. Caf would turn to the bad side, he thought he still had the upper hand having recently captured one of the superheroes' own, meaning they would be short of hands and he would be able to win this war he was planning. Well, needless to say, Capt. Caf was insulted by his offer, and was imprisoned only to be released when she either A) Became evil B) Was executed, which isn't reallly being released, but it somewhat removes her from the position of being "captured" so its a form of "release" but its certainly not the most pleasant one. C) Be rescued. D) Rescue herself. Being the resourceful superhero she was, Capt. Caf opted for option D. She commenced asking her security guard a series of annoying questions, with the intent of annoying him so much that he would get close enough to her prison for her to snag the keys. However, instead of making the guard approach the prison, he instead threw the keys at Capt. Caf and stormed off mumbling something about having a bad day and that his wife left him and that he was sick and tired of this whole "evil mastermind taking over the world plot" and that he didn't care for the whole atmosphere of the evil space base, especially since they had to cut back on the employees salaries in order to get it a wicked paint job that he didn't care too much since it was a chameleon paint job of green and gold, his two least favorite colors because they reminded him of his rival college football team that beat them all the time and he also apparently never wanted the job, but had come by it because his father was a guard for an evil mastermind, and HIS father was a guard for an evil mastermind and HIS father was a guard for an evil mastermind, and frankly, the current guard was a little sick and tired of the bad reputation of his family history and the lack of job security due to the high risk nature of jobs such as his. After quickly unlocking her prison, Capt. Caf immediately ran for the escape pods, in an attempt to make a quick escape, but unfortunately, due to new Evil Genius Corp. Company Policy, Capt. Caf had to wait in a really long line to get a release form to fill out denying all claims and responsibilities of Evil Genius Corp. for damages sustained while riding in an escape pod, and then wait in an equally long line to get help with section A - 6 of form BGX48. After completing the form, the fruits of several hours of waiting in several lines, Capt. Caf finally had the release form stamped and approved for takeoff. She almost didn't make it on account of the Identification section of the release form requiring occupation and name, but fortunately, the representative that handles that section was out sick that day, so she got to bypass it. Capt. Caf FINALLY made her triumphant RETURN to the Side of Flaming Random Pork N' Beans with a Pinch of Salt Club in time to warn them of the oncoming assault. However, since the whole issue with the release form took several hours to complete, the attack was well underway by the time she got there, which is why her return gets to be the key part of the story, because without her, the Random and Not-So-Random superheroes didn't stand a chance to defend themselves against the onslaught of Magnus Wafer. And thus begins the "Let the gouda times Roll!" Wars.
Capt Caf takes on "dreaded Magnus Wafer"
By Mike :)This reminds me of the time Capt. Caf went to take on the dreaded Magnus Wafer. This part of the story takes place not too long before the "Fall of Capt. Caf!" Saga, but after the "Let the gouda times roll!" wars. You see, Magnus Wafer was to the snack business what Wal-Mart is to the supermarket business. Being in such a position, he controlled much of the galaxy's wallet, making himself quite rich and greedy. When he heard of the fall of his minion Swissolf Cheesler, he decided to get even with the dreaded (among thieves, evil villains, and evil genius types) Capt. Caf! The scene, the City of Floating Marshmallows in a River of Chocolate (or just CFMRC for short... I know, they weren't too creative when it came to naming things. Which is why most of their children ended up being named Jack and Jill). You had come here in search of your friend, Jack Puff, in hopes that he would aid you and your allies with the location of the Free Thinker's Club. With the aid of the Free Thinkers, along with the remaining Random and Not-So-Random superheroes, you could take down the overcontrolling and evil Magnus Wafer. Unfortunately, before you had arrived, Magnus Wafer had bought Jack Puff's allegiance with enough graham crackers to turn CFMRC into Smores Town, forcing him to turn you over to the evil snack tycoon. Jack Puff eventually did turn CFMRC into Smores Town and forced his way into the position of Mayor. Despite the initial indignation of the townspeople at the change, it turned out to be for the better, and everyone was much happier, but since Jack Puff had acquired his power through questionable means, and since people who do things the wrong way never have a happy ending, he ended up being outvoted at the next election, removing his diplomatic immunity, and then was punished by being fed to a giant chocolate worm. Anywhozits, back to Capt. Caf's dillema. Magnus Wafer finally had Capt. Caf and her companions captured, but as they were being led back to his ship, Capt. Caf pretended to trip and fall to the ground, but only so she could get to eating away the floor (the whole place WAS made of marshmallows afterall) creating a hole through which chocolate began rushing through very quickly. Capt. Caf and the rest of her companions took advantage of the chaos that ensued and escaped, but Magnus, however, wasn't so easily fooled, and immediately pursued Capt. Caf to a Marshmallow generator where she had hoped to hide out until things calmed down, and maybe snack a bit. With the way CFMRC was set up, the running chocolate river would have destroyed it within a day. In order to prevent that from happening, they had to have people constantly working and adding on Marshmallow to all the floating platforms to keep them from disappearing. The factory was placed farthest upstream than any other building so that it could drop its Marshmallow load into the river, where it would be carried down by the river and grabbed by whoever needed it for repair/construction at the time. Well, since Marshmallow was a constant need for the city, it was pretty much an automated building. People would bring in sugar and fuel to supply the factory with power and material with which to create the Marshmallows. It would constantly work, and then after filling up a resevoir, it would automatically push the payload through a shaft that protruded from the side of the building over the river, then out onto the river itself, and begin the process over again. Well, as all superheroes and villains know, the most dramatic place to have a showdown between good and evil is on a precariously perched or dangerous battlefield. What better place to have a fight on then, than the shaft that stuck out from the side of the building. So, after agreeing to take the fight outside like any self-respecting hero or villain would do, Capt. Caf and Magnus Wafer both climbed out onto the narrow platform-like shaft. Magnus was a little scared at first, and so to get him out there, Capt. Caf took the lead and the more precarious position further away from the factory, only then would Magnus come out to fight. After realising that they both would have trouble fighting physically on such a dangerous place, they decided to bring the fight down from fists to just words. Despite the lack of physical pain, the two had a rather heated argument. Magnus, however, had a trump card, and when the moment was right, he revealed an awful secret about Capt. Caf's past. The conversation went a little like this.Magnus Wafer: "Capt. Caf, join ME on the DARK SIDE! You BELONG here!"Capt. Caf: "NEVER!"Magnus Wafer: "But, Capt. Caf, I AM YOUR LOGO DESIGNER!"Capt. Caf: "NNNOOOOOOOO!"Capt. Caf got a little lightheaded from screaming "no" so loudly and for so long and accidentally lost her balance, falling into the river of chocolate in a dramatic fashion that would make any Cartoon mini-saga announcer start asking those dumb questions right before the show ends, making you wait an entire week to see the next part, like "Is this the end of Capt. Caf? And who exactly is this enigmatic Magnus Wafer? Is he REALLY the logo designer for Capt. Caf?" and then followed up with that oh so annoying "FIND OUT NEXT WEEK!" and then the show usually ends up being cancelled because you were the only one interested in it. But since this is neither a real cartoon nor am I an annoying cartoon announcer, you get to find out what happens now. It is NOT the end of Capt. Caf (DUH!) I've already said who Magnus Wafer is. And yeah, he is the logo designer for Capt. Caf, which adds to how it is Capt. Caf turned to the Dark Side later in the series. Turns out, falling into the chocolate river just encased Capt. Caf in a hard shell of chocolate. After floating down the river a bit in order to escape, Capt. Caf began eating her way out, and eventually made her way back to the Side of Flaming Random Pork N' Beans with a Pinch of Salt Club.
Meet the Random Superheroes
By Mike :)You're not the evil doer... yet... later on in the series you switch to the dark side, then get put at the mercy of some random superhero who gives you the choice of eating chalk for time and all eternity, or to rejoin the side of good, a.k.a. side of flaming random pork 'n' beans with a pinch of salt club. You tell the random hero that you'll change back, then while his back is turned, you decide that nah... you're not ready to go back yet... so you kill him by stabbing a block of cheese through his arm, which just happened to be his and several other random superheroes weakness, all of whom attempted to change you back to the good side, but fell for the same stupid trick, and by then, even if you wanted to change back, it had become a force of habit to stab them with a block of cheese after asking you to change and then turning their back. Apparently the rest of the random superhero league didn't know how you had been taking out their heroes, so they just kept coming in with the same tactics, gettin' cheese block'd every time, and losin' heroes like rednecks at an opera. Eventually a not-so-random superhero came in and played out the same scenario, except he wasn't weak against cheese, so when you poked him with the blunt object he just turned around and you said "Sorry, force of habit." Then it dawned on him how his comrades had fallen, and both of you realised how stupid they were and had a good laugh about it. Thats about the end of that mini-saga... you never have any more evil tendencies... although you have been known to accidentally cheese some comrades during battle... whether you accidentally fired in the wrong direction or if you intentionally did it they never knew... but they didn't want to question you for fear of angering you and makin' you go bad again... Anywho, its a great story, you ought to read it some time...
"Let the gouda times roll!"
By Mike :)Wait... you forgetting what you were going to say is odd? I thought that was part of your persona. You know, part of your superhero ego. Its like that one time (I feel another mini saga coming... maybe...) you were deep within the bowels of the cream cheese icing factory on planet Mini-China. This part of the story takes place several years before the "Fall of Capt. Caf!" Saga during a period known as the "Let the gouda times roll!" Wars. You see, it was at this point that the random superhero league hadn't developed a weakness to cheese, and were therefore the Universe's only hope at stopping the evil cheese mastermind Swissolf Cheesler. Anyway, you and the some random superheroes (along with a few not-so-random superheroes) had tracked down the location of Swissolf Cheesler to the very same Cream Cheese Icing factory you were infiltrating. A part of Swissolf's evil plan was to build a cream cheese cake icing gun big enough to cover the universe in cheesy sweet goodness. Now, you're probably thinking, "Hey, Cream Cheese icing is pretty good stuff!" but this cream cheese icing was different. It contained a virus that would enter peoples bodies undetected and attack their digestive system, but would only attack the part that makes people lactose tolerant. Its effect, however, was to not only make people lactose intolerant, but to make the specific lactose and ingredients found in cheese to be deadly. Now, killing off everyone isn't exactly the BEST way to become ruler of the universe. You have to have SOMEBODY to rule over. Swissolf realized this, so instead of hitting everyone with pure cheese, he intended to use Cream Cheese icing, which contained relatively little cheese, and more sugar, making it more irresistable to eat than some of the best gouda. The main purpose of using the diluted cheese was to introduce the virus into everyone's bodies, and at the same time, merely weaken them and put them at his mercy. The moment you entered the factory you figured his plan out, because, like all evil geniuses, he couldn't help but start listing off every single detail about his plan before executing it whilst a superhero hid cleverly in the shadows of the rafters. Just as he initiated the launch of a large Cream Cheese Icing glob towards his first target, you swooped into action and crushed him. It was a really easy fight actually. A lot of evil geniuses overlook some necessary parts of running a successful world domination conglomerate. In this case, he forgot to get security and bodyguards and big evil robots to stop intruders. Go fig. Anywho, the launch of the first sweet creamy cheesy ball of death couldn't be stopped, and it was sent squirting out into space towards the orbiting space base of the Random (and Not-So-Random) superheroes. The superheroes, thinking that such a large glob of goodness was a token of surrender, immediately caught it in their tractor beam, brought it in, and used it to ice several thousand cakes, which happened to be on "emergency standby in case some means of topping them comes floating suspiciously into our tractor beams." Something that surprisingly has happened before, but at the time they didn't have the cakes, so they were sad to have to let all the butter cream icing go that passed by them when a Bakery supply store blew up. As the Random Superheroes were going about getting ready to eat the stuff, you came running in and said "WAIT!..." Everyone stopped and looked at you weird, but when you admitted you had forgotten what you were going to say about Swissolf Cheesler's big evil plan to make people weak against cheese, they commenced eating every bit of it. Some of the Random superheroes even ate it plain, it was just THAT good! The Not-So-Random superheroes however, were currently on the Atkins diet, and couldn't touch the stuff. They couldn't finish their diet in time to enjoy the cream cheese icing, but they're better off for it, since now they don't share the weakness to cheese that their Random Superhero friends now suffered from. You didn't eat any of it at the time, on account of you having just finished a footlong subway sub and being too full. You had planned on eating some later, but it was all gone by then. Anywho, thats how come the Random Superheroes came to be weak against cheese... and to think, its partly your fault for forgetting to tell them what you were gonna say. Anywho, hope you had a good lunch (since its obviously over now) and that you didn't eat anything with cream cheese icing on it... now I'm never going to look at the stuff the same again... man, the things I do to myself.
Battosai Meets Captain Caf... *dum, dum, dum*
By Manda :)Chapter 4: Battosai Meets Captain CafSkipping a chapter in the annuls of Captain Caf's adventures, the mystical third roommate had an interesting encounter one balmy afternoon. On her way to recharge her energy with some high quality french vanilla frozen energy, she and some friends met up with an unique tiny creature on their journey. At this meeting, she was intrigued and captivated by this thing, small yet brave enough to venture up to the much larger creature that Capt. Caf is. This bravery impressed her so that she broke out Kokoro and tried herself to capture the essence of this amazing little creature. The tall friend of Capt. Caf looked to the miniscule mammal, and decided that for it to be worth recognizing, it needed a naming ceremony.Circling around the three friends, the mammal looked up once at the tall friend, and she named it in an instant. "Die Battosai!!!!" she said as she giggled and watched the thing meander around her and her friends. As she said that, she realized that Battosai was now looking at her with approval of the name it was given after the ceremony. To prove its ferocity and that the name fit, the creature laid down in the road and attacked our feet. Once again intrigued by this behavior, Capt. Caf took out Kokoro again and captured some more of Battosai's essence.Four legs, furry and colored with blacks and whites and a fifth leg that stood straight up when pleased, this new creature, Battosai as it was newly named, decided that Capt. Caf and her friends were now it's friends and started to follow them on their journey for refreshment and energy. This puzzled Capt. Caf and her friends. With each step brought this tiny adventurer farther away from where we met it. The confusion increased as the three friends tried to fend off the advances of Battosai, and encouraged it back toward it's home. The more steps the friends took, the more steps Battosai took.When we stopped, it stopped. When we walked faster, it trotted to catch up with us. It nearly tripped the tall one on many occasions. As each step brought the three closer to the frequently travelled road, Battosai was faithfully following them. Nothing they did kept the little Battosai away for long. Whether it took time to groom itself or the tall one tried to chase it off, Battosai was making every effort it could to stay faithful and true to it's newly adopted companions. If the tall ones, in it's eyes, moved their legs faster, it would trot to catch up to them. If the tall ones stopped to turn around, Battosai became encouraged and ran to catch up.As the frequently travelled path was nearing, the trio thought that they would lose their tiny shadow as soon as the roars would deter it. Alas, Battosai kept up their pace. To their astonishment, it even followed them across the busy path and to the sandy shore just outside the house of one of the Capt's friend's house. This tiny creature began to intrigue the three as much as the three intrigued it. Lost and lonely seeming, Battosai stuck close to Capt. Caf and her friends while they wandered around the yard of the house. The quest for energy came up short for the friend whose house they journeyed to was locked, and she had no key to enter. In another attempt to get rid of Battosai, the tall friend began to kick sand at the poor creature. As the sand swirled around it's face, Battosai once again grew fierce and attacked the poofs of sand around it. The trio had a tough decision to make now, for none of them could take the poor creature and care for it even though, despite themselves, they grew attached to the small creature.Realizing what they need to do, the three walked their four-legged friend back to where they first met it. They tried everything they could think of to get Battosai to stay at its house. They walked it to its yard, yet it walked back to them. They put it in its yard, yet it walked back to them. They put it farther in the yard, yet it still walked back to them. Finally, a fourth friend walked up and greeted the group, and saw the comical situation in front of her as the three tried to run off the tiny, furry one. The fourth friend watched for about five more minutes before she tried something. She scooped up Battosai, now called "Little Prick" by the tall one, and with the help of Capt. Caf, deposited the little creature back into its yard and in an old garden. After they put back Battosai... er, Little Prick, the two ran as fast as they could to get away from the tiny creature so as to not have it follow them again.With that, the four friends happily walked away knowing that they would no longer have a shadow follow them. Some sorrow followed because they four had grown attached to their tiny friend. Its bravery and loyalty amazed them. And thus ends another chapter in the anuls of our illustrious superhero and her life on the emerald land in the middle of the sapphire land. May Battosai... Little Prick, have the best life available for a kitten of his valor.
Sequel to Mystical 3rd Roommate: The Daily Lives of the Kelsey
By: Manda :) In her unique strivings to overcome boredom and hunger, my personal superhero has crashed into many obstacles. Some obstacles were easier than others to overcome. There were even some that she didn't blink twice at while others still plague her conscience. The dominant facet of my superhero's life is the student in her. Many people affectionately refer to her as "oa," or over-acheiver, but she works just as hard as any student who wants to do well. In her strivings for good grades and an even better social life, the mystical 3rd roommate has truly let her colors show for all to see. Her attempts at spreading herself caused her to become thinner than might be deemed healthy by "normal" people. Well, this superhero had the foundational friends one needs in order to maintain sanity. Time after time, she found solace in friends closer than she knew friends could get. In her journeyings through school and work, heartbreak insued. A brother was discovered that she never knew she had, and wonderment was found all around her in this paradise. True joys and pure loves... theme songs ever changing. Life bringing joys and tears. Growth has come in leaps and lightyears for this once fledging superhero. In fact, this superhero discover the great secret that all superheroes know, that no matter how strong or super you may be, there will always be someone else who you tend to lean on and turns into their superhero. In a moment, friends left and a connection broken. In her pursuit to end hunger and boredom, Captain Cafe has learned mountains of lessons about herself, and her surroundings. Pursuits that led in great triumphs and even better encounters with this mythical creature. She fulfills her callings well, even better than others. Strength and ballad resounding throughout the Ko'olau range, Captain Cafe still strives strongly through the quagmire of life saving lives, one hungry person at a time.
The Mystical 3rd Roommate
by Manda :)Where does it come from? Who is it? Why does it even matter when other people have four or five roommates?This tale begins with two roommates who share a double room at Brigham Young University-Hawai'i campus. They were friends before roommates. One Sunday, before the other roommate arrived at school, the first was at church and met a strange creature and its sires. The sires seemed normal enough, for living things that had never been to this environment before. Back to the strange creature, it's characteristics were unlike any I had seen. About my height with blonde hair, blue eyes and a giant naive smile plastered on its face. I introduced myself and welcomed with open arms this creature, naive smile and all. As we traversed the halls of the revered McKay building, I ran into many people with whom I had acquaintenced myself all the while amazing this new creature by the many conntacts I had made during my stay at this school.When we finished with lunch, I invited this strange thing back to my room with me. Upon arriving, I discovered my roommate was back by spying her luggage in the room. Introductions were made, and my roommate and this new kid became quick friends. Well, three months later and a thoroughly nurtured friendship produced the most mythic and mystical creature known to college students everywhere.... The Mystical 3rd Roommate!!!! *cheesy background music* Dum, dum dum!!!!! *Final Fantasy victory music playing in background*Who is this "mystical 3rd roommate" you may ask?? I'll be darned if I knew the answer to that. :D The relevance of this little splurge equals along the lines of zero really. My personal friend and superhero, Capt. Caf... *cheesy superhero ballad, not unlike the Superman movies theme, plays in background with mention of the name Capt. Caf* requested that I embellish her because in reality, she is my wannabe roommate. So much so that she even wants to move into my unit during Spring term out here. How great is that?? My own personal superhero and 3rd roommate all in one special, still naive and strange fun person known as *cues superhero ballad* Capt. Caf!
